How to not get a second date.

Slacking on the posting: shame on me.  My last post was about setbacks and I am sad to say I am still struggling.  The month of May was rough, full of graduations, Mother's Day, my brother's birthday, Memorial Day, a visit from my best friend . . . all month I have been gaining and losing the same 3 pounds.  It is enough to make me want to scream!  So instead I am going to talk about something even more embarrassing than my yoyo-ing 3 pounds: dating.  Specifically, first dates.  I don't know if this makes me jaded, superficial, or a cynic; by no means do I walk into a date with a checklist in hand, but these are a few things have have actually happened to me that I found to be unforgivable. 

1. You are dangerously close to a TLC special and needing a forklift to get around.
2. You did not tell me I looked nice (okay, I am a little superficial, but I put forth the effort to look good for you and you showed up in shorts with a bleach stain and plastic shoes).
3. You call your plastic shoes Jesus sandals. 
4. You compared basketball to NASCAR (it is not just a bunch of dudes running back and forth, oh my GOSH!).
5. You made a 12 on the ACT. (how is that even possible?)
6. You took me to Wal-Mart.
7. You took me to Best Buy (not the same dude that took me to Wal-Mart, I swear! Wal-Mart was actually a double date).
8. After eating dinner, you get the largest bucket of popcorn sold at the movie theater.  Upon realizing the butter is self serve, you do a happy dance and proceed to drown the popcorn.  Then spend the rest of the evening exclaiming how it needed more butter. 
9. You live in your van and sell bonsai trees by the side of the road. 
10. You eat the raw, dried out corn off the cornstalk at the corn maze.
11. After eating the raw, dried out corn off the cornstalk at the corn maze you try to kiss me.  I am pretty sure there were still kernels in your mouth. 
12. You tell me you have a fiance (that was one hell of an icebreaker).
13. You spend the evening telling me stories that start with "you're not a man until . . ." and end with a sledgehammer to the face and a visit to the emergency room.  All the while laughing hysterically. 
14. You push me down on the ground and declare: "HOEDOWN!"
15. You want me to meet your parents on our second date.